Sometime in my senior year of high school I dropped out. Not in the traditional sense of leaving school unfinished or even in a way that was noticeable to most people but in a much deeper and profound way. I had evaluated the world and humanity as a whole and decided I wanted no part of the global conditions which we created. There is pollution and wars and such, but it was the realization of the barbarism inherent in the human condition that made me want to push away. It's not that I hate people, it's that I hate what we've become.
I examined the world from my privileged position and could find no emotion but guilt. I sat in the lap of comparitve luxury, reminded to finish all the food on my plate because "other children in the world are starving." Maybe that's something that we all hear and subtly let go, but I couldn't. I realized that the only way I could enjoy the life of nice shoes and new clothes was due to another person on the other side of the world toiled to make them for me. And the price I paid for even one pair of jeans was more than the months salary of the man, woman or child that made them. All that separated me from them was the good fortune of being on one continent rather than another. Seemingly every time I dressed, used a cheap piece of electronics or threw away scraps of food in my soul I knew that someone else sacrificed for these. How could we see the equality of all humans and still willfully exploit the situation of those across the globe? The weight became too much to bare.
Some would say who we are is brought about by the natural course of evolution. In a world where survival is a matter of besting the competition it is only rational that mankind would seek to dominate one another. For ages we have boasted our superiority as justification for the destruction of other species, cultures and races. But now where are we? The human race is now acutely aware of our world on a massive scale. While we still divide the world on arbitrary borders of nations we know now, more than ever that we are really just one species, on one world all struggling to survive. We've determined that all are men are created equal, but what we really mean is that they are equal so long as they live in the same nation.
I assumed in my youth that there was nothing anyone could do about it. On one hand I could enjoy the hand I was dealt, only a fool would throw away such luck. In the other, how could I participate in such exploitation? Frankly I didn't have the guts to walk away from my birth right but I sure didn't have the stomach to enjoy it.
Having kids changes things. I hate the unsustainable exploitation that our country runs on, yet I have children here and there's no leaving it all behind now. Non participation is no longer an option. So I am looking for a real job and a place in this society, but I know that I will need more than begrudging my place in the world. I will not feel right unless I make some effort to change the way the world works.
At a later time I will start to work this out a bit better and explain myself. Yes, I know competition brings out the best in us, and only with it can the best ideas, products and inventions emerge. Looking back on the last few years I've considered socialism and its opposite, anarchy but nothing sticks. I can't really conceive a way to ethically enforce the obligation of others to share, yet morally I cannot peacefully live knowing that the ease of my existence is borne on the backs of those less fortunate. At least some research is due on the topic because I'm sure someone else already said it better.
