Space to Waste

Brought to the forefront of my imagination is the concept that I must find a way to participate in this world in a meaningful way. I refuse to accept that there can be nothing new under the sun. I’m not sure that I will find the way, given that I typically lack the ambition to fully engage the world. The world just never seems to respond. For all my words and photos all I usually get in return is an occasional “like”.

Meaningless meaningless, everything is meaningless says the teacher.  A futile waste of a man’s days? Surely my fate will bare no better than a liar or cynic, perhaps because that is what I’ve become. Maybe not so much on the lying part. Maybe I should find some bad man to murder so that I can dutifully earn my death.

So… what to do? I can hardly stand the thought of taking orders and smiling as I deliver courses of food high on calories and low on content. I love exploration and kindness, but the photo industry is already saturated with a gaggle of producers more talented than I. If nothing else I will find my motivation in a family that needs me. The problem is I need them in a much different way. I need a crew that will follow me into the world with the open eyes and kind hearts. They are coming along just fine, but not yet ready.

The job boards and sites on end bring me to my knees. All I see are postings for cogs in the machine. Most of these systems I would gladly see burned to the ground. My heart aches for a reconnection with the hard life. Wandering under the sun searching for some plot of land that I can pretend no man has seen before. Such places may not exist, but when I’m out there it doesn’t matter. Somewhere the rainbow does end.

I don’t really regret compiling my experiences so they would look good on a resume. I’ve lived my life the way I want to, and now I’m paying the cost for it. Unemployed in a corner of Southern California surrounded by zombies. It’s much easier to not care about decrypt people when you believe they don’t have a soul.

Still I will put my feet in front of me. How could I let myself stop? For the lack of hope for a purpose, never. The adventure draws me to the next opportunity. I pray that when I reach it the man will deem me qualified for his assignment.

Talley ho!